I am not a man strong or great,
full of venom, age-old hate,
friendship for me is as hard as ice,
I can fake a smile but I cannot be nice,
distanced from all family,
I have no use for you,
never could agree on finer details,
best just to walk away,
your motherly love has no sense,
it is no longer part of me,
I buried you a long time ago,
when I knew you couldn’t make me happy.
suffered in silence, full of rage,
I left the country, I turned the page,
angry I still am, volcano of nerves,
I’ve condemned myself for being perverse,
I will respond in anger and in haste,
my eyes will bulge, my fists clenched,
I am fallen, I am a waste,
I have most things in my life,
a job, a house and a wife,
but that is not enough it seems,
I’m proud of who I have by my side,
I’m trying to take her on an easy ride,
but every so often my demon falls out,
leaving behind fear and doubt,
I stamp on fragile feet,
I slap away a caressing hand,
I am a failure in this race,
I cannot be called a man,
not to be trusted with praise,
I’m negative with doubts full,
I’m a waste of space,
trying to put myself back in place,
sometimes I think it’s better,
to close all friendships,
and just try to concentrate on Elisa,
it must be hard work living with a cunt like me,
no matter how hard I try to please her,
I’ve destroyed more things than I have made,
in the past I was tormented with thoughts of suicide,
I am the only one to blame for my mistakes,
I’m battling on in this never-ending ride,
never had success in friendship,
never had success in calming down,
I’m a cunt with views encrusted in concrete,
I’ve grown a permanent frown!

© D.Hobson March 2014