have you ever felt crushed
living below your expectations
buried in an endless circle
of excess , regret, doubt , debt
choking on the bile you’ve already chewed
vomiting the poison you drank
muscles ache from decades of mistakes
eyes are sore I’m an eyesore

always thinking of ways to escape
now that there is nowhere to escape to
right wing politics closing so many doors
Brexit or Trump , Merkel or the fascists
nowhere to run to can’t hide behind receding hair
feeling weak with distrust and woe
felling crushed by an invisible avalanche of snow
unreliable and incurable neurotic pathetic
I can’t see it I just can’t get it
this bullshit you need to soak in to live
so many rules and not enough tools
society has made me weak outcome bleak
I should not have survived I should not be alive
I should not have moved out of town or country
out of my depth out out my securities
so far out of my fucking comfort zone
off the green emerald runway into the rough
with the broken shards of dreams and dog ends of promises
the road is dark no warning signs no detour
the foundation is subsiding worn away
from all the years of overthinking and doubts
I’ve tried to reason I’ve tried to see the world like you
but in the end I’m a failed science project a DNA mutation
I’ve destroyed my dignity but don’t send pity
I’m in a press, I’m in a mess I’m just crushed

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