I thought that
Then ignored that
For one split second
I held that
Formed that
For one idea at a time

Still thinking
Of my mistakes 1998
Vivid colours remastered dreams
Still smarting
From my stance
I’m no longer the same man

Still thinking
Newspaper shop 1990
another infatuation
Still bleeding
Picking at old scars
Why am I still here

When I look into the mirror
I still see the same idiot
Grinning back at me
I hate that fucking Shadow
That infestation
That’s haunted me since 1993

Still thinking
Of all the solitude
Maybe it destroyed my soul
In the dark damp flat
My future was sold

Still thinking
Trying to remember
What went down in Yewlands Drive
All the bullies
The missed opportunities
How did I keep myself alive

Still thinking
No time for dreaming
Need to analyse my past
Did I spend up all my luck
Are my pockets empty
Why did it go so fast

When I look into the mirror
I want to shatter
Destroying every little shard
I’m boiling over with anger
Seething about my mistakes
Why is life do hard

Still thinking
Like a tight knot I need to untie
Fingernails split
As I’m picking insistently
At the same knot
Knowing it’s a lost cause

Still thinking
Now the headaches return
As I punish the grey matter
Searching for something
That is out of reach
Beyond my despair
I’m still bleeding

Still thinking
About when I left the path
To a normal life
Ending up on this wild trip
That has consumed me
Made me fucking raw

Because when I look into the mirror
I know that reflection isn’t me
It’s just a ghost of who I was
Back when I was normal
A useless fuck who wasn’t thinking
And now I’m thinking
Going out of my mind
Lashing out at everyone
What’s wrong with my mind

┬ęDarren Hobson, owner of the when poetry flows brand and self publishing poet