When did you become a frail old man
Unable to walk the promenade
You’ve cut down on the salt and sugar
And you can’t cook sausages in lard

You can’t see past your wrinkled nose
And your teeth have seen better days
You wear you pants just under your tits
You’ve inherited some antic ways

The leather jacket is now a cardigan
The tattoos have faded to a blur
Your beard is fighting to become grey
And there’s not much left of your hair

It takes two hours to crawl out of bed
When it took two more just to sleep
The toilet seems ten miles away
After midnight you painstakingly creep

The shopping excursion is a military excercise
Takes up most of the day
Dragging broken plastic bags of food upstairs
Another hour to put the food away

No more steaks and posh food
The non existent pension ended that
Just lots of over cooked veg
That even upsets the cat

Sitting in your arm chair looking at the TV
Nothing good on channel five
The other channels a digital blur
Oh the joys of still being alive.

Never married and only a few kids
Sprinkled somewhere in this world
You’ve been left forgotten and rotten
Oh the joys of growing old

You’ve forgotten what day it is
It might be Tuesday or Thursday
You can’t remember what order they come in
That’s an enigma for another day

You don’t do knitting or any other crafts
No crosswords to mess up today
You don’t play cards or even draughts
And chess was too complicated anyway

Sat in limbo trying to remember the past
Not sure how your health brought you here
It seems the wheels fell off the wagon
And the wagon lost its cargo of beer

You could be cooking but you’ve no patience
And it’s no fun just cooking for one
So boiling water with a carrot and a spud
Slurping dangerous until the broth is gone

When did you become a frail old man
Unable to reach the loo in time
Just living out the rest of your days
I hope that I don’t reach this end.