I’ve acquired a thousand problems
But I still have a hundred less than you
I see you smiling throughout the day
I don’t know how you can pull through
I have so much pent up negativity
But I feel powerless knowing you
You can walk on shattered limbs
And run the  marathon too

I feel so inadequate
I’m too good to be judged
Too bad to succeed
Inpatient with my patients
The words upon my screen
Too generous with my greed

I’m looking back where I went wrong
Wrong choices of words in a conversation
A delicate kiss that I pressed too strong
A missed chance of opportunity, hesitation
The money  spent and blown away
The alcohol that’s brought on my decay
The punishment my head has had to endure
I thought I was winning now I’m not sure

Every girl I’ve ever met a failed love story
Nobody wants to hear my strange fantasies
I’ve written scripts for a thousand romances
I can’t even rewrite my own destiny
Wishful thinking as I draw the line
Trying to take control of this brain of mine
Hurting everyone I’ve every known
Being a rascal since they day I was born

I feel so inappropriate
Should I speak to her
Trying to keep my distance
Trying not to care
Reinventing myself somehow
Right here right now
Biting my tongue and bleeding
Getting old and taking a bow

If this was theatre it would be drama
Plot twists and insane insest
Keeping the story original in detail
Developed into a glorious mess
Change of character unearthed secrets
The antagonist had become the protagonist
Making the story vibrant or sinister
Keep the spoilers close to your chest

When I’m overthinking I’m just thinking
It’s being polite way after midnight
Why is it when you’re so tired
Your ideas form from arrogance
Is it lack of confidence that consumes me
Maybe I did fly too close to the sun
Surely I ran before when I should have crawled
My anxieties have blocked my will to run

Can I write that poem
The unreachable one
The one I know is inside me
But has still not formed
There is a seed of an idea
That’s not yet ripe
I can sense it’s presence
But it’s not ready to type

Until that very poem features
I will mummify myself in self doubt
Maybe the host will expire long before
Those words decide to come out
Maybe the time has already passed
And those verses have already faded
The spiring of all my talents
Now autumn , withered and jaded

I think that somewhere down the line
I have lost my Midas touch
The opportunity to grow and survive
Even if nobody ever liked me much
My main source of power and strength
Come from the almost female gains
We’re I longed for their forbidden passion
But I could never make them change

Now my verses are littered with abandoned love stories
Pathetic infatuations and deadly lullabies
How could I have been so poetically pathetic
To describe to all what was before my eyes
After writing a hundred thousand words of hope
I am still one hundred ways out of line
The audience has become tired of my art
With the once hidden feelings of my mind

I tried once to reach out to see who’s there
Then I withdrew into my stubborn shell
Forever thinking of my unreachable poem
Then succumbing to my personal hell
Yes I know about all my negativity
Just that makes me powerless compared to you
The unreachable poem with its broken wings
Will be long forgotten before it ever flew .