Hidden from the world that you know hates you and every thought you have projected has been applauded but pissed on.
Knowing your ideas about yourself and all the anxieties that come with it are all distorted truths made by the same person
The stubbornness of a man who dictates everything about himself and won’t let anyone try to soften his stance no matter if it hurts people that were once allies
Knowing that somewhere down the line somebody is going to get hurt not but violence or aggressive words but by not accepting warmth and affection

Sometimes I’m too hard on myself
Maybe I can be too kind for others
But when my world comes tumbling down
Everyone one should run for cover

I feel comfortable only when people speak badly about me or critise everything I have written making me feel secure
When people praise me I get overconfident and everything I do there after is built on deceit on foundations made of ice now insecurities pour as the foundations melt
When the true colours shine through and the depth of the argument is as shallow as a blocked canal with no easy way out or no easy answers
I find myself at the point of no return I made myself a target I made myself a mockery I made everything I’m made of today

The cracks widen in my armour
No longer feeling bullet proof
My idiocy makes me sick
I prefer to destroy myself
Than to admit the inadmissible

Unfortunately for no one
I’m not a reliable one
I’m a baked mistake
Left to burn carbonised
Taking flak from all sides
Rained on in the sunshine
I’m seeing bad things again
Is it just my mind making things up?

What if I am just paranoid
Now I’m guilty ashamed
My mind plays tricks constantly
Maybe I am to blame
As I brush off the debris
Now I see through the smoke screen
Unimaginable damage to myself
Self inflicted with my self doubt

I’m certainly weaker than before
I get myself up off the floor
I was killed by my sick perception
Now I paint my resurrection

Rising from the ashes like phoenix
I know I’m still hurting and raw
I don’t want to harm anybody
What would I do that for

I have bad habits and I’m sorry
Even if sorry is hard to say
I’m throwing myself into a black hole
I really intended to stay away

As I find myself and rise again
I’m dealing with my mental suffocation
Would you prefer I stayed away
Or celebrate my resurrection

I’m stubborn and I punish myself
Fatal jabs to my jaw
Two roundhouse kicks to my neck
No wonder I’m always on the floor

I’ve tried so intently to break me
I don’t know how but I’m back from the dead
No signs of change or metamorphosis
It’s still the same me same old head

I’m not a zombie or a demon of the night
I’m just a human failure who can’t get it right
It seems once a year I’m a mutation
Ready to roll for another resurrection